Tôi tiễn người... tôi đưa tôi (I Saw Someone Off... I Send Myself) - Trương Hoàng Xuân (1968)

Khi anh đi rồi tôi nhìn gác vắng buồn hiu.

Once you left I look upstairs, sadly empty.
Lúc Quê hương thúc gọi đem nhọc nhằn giã ơn đời.

When the Homeland urges, its call brings hardship to thank life.
Dấu vết chung kỷ niệm còn thắm thiết đêm buồn vui.

Traces of memories deeply shared those nights, happy and sad.
Tuổi vàng son chúng mình tựa bèo mây trên đầu núi

At our resplendent age, it's just clouds hovering like duckweed around mountain tops

Ta sinh ra đời trong mùa nghiêng ngửa loạn ly.

We were born into a topsy turvy time of trouble.
Chiến chinh gieo oán hận lên từng vùng đất yên lành.

War has cast hatred upon every region of our peaceful land.
Đứa bé thương tuổi ngọc ngà có lúc quên niềm vui.

Dear little ones, jade-like youth at times forget their happiness.
Lớn bằng đêm hãi hùng từ đồng hoàng qua phố chiều

Growing up during frightful nights, from towns to the fields

Anh đừng buồn dẫu đời cây đắng đã phân ly bao cuộc tình.

Brother, feel no sadness, though bitter life has divided so many loving relationships.
Anh đừng trách cuộc đời đâu dễ chia lìa tình hai đứa mình...

Brother, lay no blame at life that so easily separates the two of us...

Anh đi bây giờ qua ngày mãi đến lượt tôi.

Now you are leaving, tomorrow it will be my turn.
Sớm hôm sau trống lạnh căn nhà này trả cho người.

The next morning, the cold and emptiness of this house I'll give back to you.
Tiếp nối đêm sách đèn là bóng tối đêm hành quân.

To continue the nights of books at lamplight will be dark nights of maneuvers.
Với niềm tin góp lại từ bèo mây trên biển trời.

With the faith of those duckweed clouds above the sky's vast sea.

nguồn: "Tôi tiễn người... tôi đưa tôi," (Saigon: [Tác giả], 1968).

Trang Mỹ Dung ca bài "Tôi tiễn người... tôi đưa tôi."

I have just learned of the passing of the musicians Trương Hoàng Xuân on May 3, 2025. He was one of the many songwriters who have generously agreed to meet with me and answer my questions. I always feel that I must honor those who have helped me.

A Saigon native, he grew up in a family of evangelicals and studied at the Lycée Pétrus Ký. He studied music with several well-known teachers -- Hùng Lân, Lê Thương, Tống Ngọc Hạp and Võ Đức Tuyết. In 1966 he enlisted in the armed forces of the Republic of Vietnam with the rank of sergeant, working for the Armed Forces radio station (Đài Phát Thanh Quân Đội). 

Like many professional musicians of that time and place he had a parallel career as a freelance musician, teaching, playing at clubs, writing arrangements, and, of course, writing songs. He also used the pen names Hoàng Ngọc Quyên and Thy Linh.

He left radio (and the armed services) and started a career as a teacher at the Trường Trung Học Tổng Hợp Nguyễn An Ninh in the 10th district of Saigon. Some time after the events of 1975, his suspect resumé (lý lịch) caused him to have to quit teaching. He then worked for the postal service doing cultural work.

This was not one of the most popular songs of its time, but it was recorded by Trang Mỹ Dung for Sơn Ca records. (Trang Mỹ Dung is one of my favorite song interpreters). In a time and place with many, many sad songs, this is one of the sadder ones. On completing school, for a young man there's only war. A friend sees off a friend knowing that his turn is coming up soon. They will transition from sitting at a desk studying books by lamplight to night time military maneuvers.

Unlike other generations, these two were born in a "topsy turvy time of trouble" (mùa nghiêng ngửa loạn ly). I translate "mùa" was time, but it more precisely means season, and seasons imply cyclical events. "Ly loạn" means disorder, especially social disorder which in this context is warfare. "War has cast hatred upon every region of our peaceful land." No greater political context is given for this disorder. One would hope that peace would be the default within a nation, yet young people are fated to try to quell this disorder.

These students sent to war are terribly aware of their insignificance within the larger context - they are "clouds hovering like duckweed around mountain tops." Duckweed clusters on a pond's surface, as clouds cluster around mountain peaks. Both images speak to impermanence and to the self-awareness of  insignificance felt by both protagonists the song.

There is little hope in this song. Nor is little inspiration to try to fight hard to prevail. There is also not rancor toward anyone -- toward an enemy, toward the government, toward fate, toward the forces that have taken control of their lives. But the song speaks to the reality of young men in that society stepping up to take their place (as duckweed or cloud vapor) in the effort to restore peace to their land.